Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
