youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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