i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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