I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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