i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
