don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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