I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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