So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
