You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
