Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize