every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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