I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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