Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
