So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
