If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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