he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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