i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
be right there i have to get my cape
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
