you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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