yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
