My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
