I didn't shave. On purpose
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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