I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
