I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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