glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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