Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
