please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize