i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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