How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
