Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
