I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
