He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
