i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
