i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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