After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
