im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
