Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
