your thong is hanging out like whoa
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
