they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
