Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can you bring me the toilet please
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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