She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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