Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
