I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
