No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
