His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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