I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
