Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
