your parents love me but you hate me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
