we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
