Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
