I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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