She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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