so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Vodka?
Forever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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