I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
