I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
