ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
