I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
