and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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