Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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