Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
