mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
