it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
