k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
