i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did not marry a roomba.
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