I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
