I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
