apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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