so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize