So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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